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Location: Illinois, United States

I'm a junior English/Philosophy major who's looking forward to my senior year and looking back on the path that led me here

Friday, July 21, 2006


In the past few days, I've been doing a lot of nothing. I check my email constantly, looking for something besides news about Albertena Vander Weele's death, even though I use the excuse of new Vander Weele news to check the email. I feel stretched over time, looking for grace. And I know it's there; I know that I wouldn't be able to laugh at work if grace wasn't present, if God himself wasn't helping me scrub chairs in the dining hall. I know that I wouldn't be able to accept Tony and Zoe Reppmann rolling all over me, shrieking with laughter, if there was no grace to live on. I know that my relationships and anticipations of good things would be stringy and non-existent if it weren't for grace. And I can feel it, I can feel grace working.

I still keep checking, hoping for something really good.

Something that would bring some joy and fulfillment to this summer, which has felt more deadening than not.

There is good news, small victories, little lights shining. My mom has agreed to go through counseling with me through New Leaf Resources, a place for families with addiction. Caitlin and I will be reunited in two weeks, which is a joy beyond measure. Lucy is in town, and will be spending the night with me.

Mike Vander Weele taught me how to be thankful for food; the wall outside his office posts a sign reading "Small Gifts," with free books from the English department for the taking.

I am trying to find the small gifts.

I'm hoping for a big one.


Blogger crc said...

"For Christians, hope is ultimately hope in Christ. The hope that he really is what for centuries we have been claiming he is. The hope that despite the fact that sin and death still rule the world, he somehow conquered them. The hope that in him and through him all of us stand a chance of somehow conquering them too. The hope that at some unforseeable time and in some unimaginable way he will return with healing in his wings." Frederick Buechner

Friend, keep hoping for healing, keep hoping for something good to happen, keep hoping for something big. I'm hoping too, and I'm waiting with you. And maybe all these little graces we are given are evidence that something big is on it's way. Healing is around the corner. We'll wait together.

I love you.

11:52 PM  

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